Did you know that your emotions control 95% of your behaviour?
Even if you consider yourself to be ‘a rationalist’, your feelings will determine very strongly what you do and what you don’t do.
Some emotions give you the energy to move on with your business and career. They tickle you, they give you passion and ‘drive’ and make others come to you very easily.
But there are other emotions as well. The ones that put a negative energy around you, that suck all the force out of you, the ones that make other people avoid you.
Do you think that internet and modern means of communication lessen the effect of those negative emotions? That due to e-mail it doesn’t matter whether you’re in a good or bad mood? That hiding behind your keyboard helps to misguide people about the state you’re in?
Communicating by e-mail, social media or a profile on a professional platform such as Cortexpert has become very subtle. Since the introduction of the sms we all have developed an extra sense for the signals we get from text. We can read between the lines, are sensible to little details, and we detect unconsciously but very accurate the hidden messages in and between words.
As we are attracted to people with ‘a positive vibe’ around them, we will avoid that someone that looks like a whiner on social media. If looking for an expert, we prefer someone that has our sympathy.
Our clients will come faster and more easily to us if we have a nice, positive vibration hanging around us.
As a freelancer or entrepreneur: do you have to yell ‘I’m happy’ all the time?
Off course not every day is filled with roses. Sometimes annoying things happen – that’s the way it goes in human life. I’m the first to have respect and compassion for people that get a heavy knock-out: a loved one that disappears, a pregnancy that goes wrong, an addiction (themselves or among them).
On social networks, in e-mails and on websites however, I see some emotions that have nothing to do with such disasters. That’s what I want to talk about with you.
Yes, some days don’t leave you with a nice feeling, and that’s pretty normal.
The important however is to not get carried away by that feeling, and certainly to avoid showing it off in your online communication.
Let’s discuss 3 emotions that simply cost you money (by chasing away clients) and how to turn them in to sources of positive energy.
Wow, that’s a nasty animal. Others’ successes give you a sick feeling. You don’t feel they deserved it, you don’t want them to have them, and honestly: you’re way more entitled to it, don’t you?
Maybe you’re jealous of one competitor that gets clients with just a wink of the eye? Or of to someone who has been ‘lucky’ but actually who really isn’t up to much?
On the internet you seem jealous if:
- You state on your website explicitly that competitors are not so good as you are
- You post negative comments about others on social media, if you attack them about the way they say something rather than about what they’re saying.
- You name colleagues (or point at them) in a not so nice tone in e-mails and newsletters
Jalousie is a symptom of lack of self-confidence. Even more: by being jealous of others, you’ll prevent yourself of looking critically at yourself. But that is exactly what you need to do to have that successful company of that wonderful career! You’ll have to question yourself, in all honesty and all confidence exploring what are your points of attention, and work on them.
Being jealous of others doesn’t help you, getting inspired by them does.
Your action: is there someone you’re (secretly!) jealous of? Explore why that person does some things better than you do, and why. What can YOU learn from it?
Most people get angry. Some almost never, others quite often. Maybe you’re someone that gets angry about some Big Injustice, or are you rather freaking out about little frustrations?
In the first case, it can be a drive to make the world a better place. You’ll donate to the Red Cross, you’ll stop eating meat or you’ll offer your services for free to people who need them the most.
If you’re always going nuts about those little things that go wrong… well, you’ve lost the bigger picture then.
It happens often to those under great pressure. Overwhelmed by stress, you completely lose your mind over some stupid little issue: whether it be the milk all spilt at breakfast your laptop that suddenly dies without any warning.
On the internet you show off anger by
- Reacting angry or upset on negative e-mails
- Scolding on social media, expressing yourself in a rude way about other people/things
- Supporting hate-pages and ‘I don’t like’-accounts
By sticking to your anger, it will be much harder to find good solutions to your problems. You’ll get a tunnel vision, you’ll get fixated on what’s wrong and you can’t see the opportunities there.
Anger will keep you from critically looking at yourself. You’ll hold yourself from any chance to grow: both as a person and as a professional.
Your action: do you often experience a feeling of anger? Then look for the reason why. Is the “Big Cause” anything that has to do with World Peace or any other life threatening situation? Or is it –let’s be honest- really nothing, just a minor accident in your daily life? In the second case: don’t go writing on the internet in that state of mind. Nor on your website, in social media, or in e-mails.
Never write on the internet when you’re angry.
Try to let go all of your anger. Diving into Mindfulness can help but other techniques will give some good insights as well.
Although there are some pretty threatening places on Earth, most people are scared all their life of things that never happen.
Businesswise we could say it’s all in your head.
I’m pretty sure that most things you’re scared off, are very rare to happen. Or those things are in reality not too bad.
The party you were not too keen on going to, ended up very nice in the end. The new technique you had to learn looked harder than it was. That challenging online training gave you such good insights, well worth the investment.
Here’s how you show fear on the internet:
- You make it almost impossible to contact you through your website (the world is full of stalkers and spam bots, you know!)
- You have no profile on any social medium, or you have one but leave it totally unused (imagine people reading what you do – oooh nooo!)
- You go on endlessly arguing with unsatisfied clients, in discussions on LinkedIn or any other network.
- You’re not at all up-to-date with your website (all those modern techniques: that really is something scary, who would believe that it could make life and business of you and your clients easier??)
When we’re scared of something, we get into a ‘fight or flight’ modus. Ether you’ll get chased away or you start to react heavily on it. In both cases those reactions are useless, and it will prevent you from using your human brain (fear will trigger your reptilian brain, but that’s off little use when running a business of expanding your professional horizons).
Fear let us do stupid things. Panic never results in a goal, a lot of crisis communication is far more harming than delivering a clear message, you won’t grow and your company neither.
Fear paralysis your Future.
Your action: what is it that you fear most in your professional life? The biggest step you can make, is being honest to yourself about that. Than you can examine if your fear is real, or just your imagination taking over.
In the last case, the best is to let it go. Just jump, hoping there’s enough water in the pool. Your intuition usually will be a better guide than your head here.
The 3 actions you have done beating those feelings, will help you to make a better impression on the internet. Is it very hard for you to work on those emotions? Then finding a good coach or therapist could be an excellent step.
Luckily there are also nice feelings that give your professional career an extra boost. Working on things you love with nice people you love working with: that is what a modern business is all about.
We wish you a happy time!